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Small Penis? Here’s How to Say It Without Ruining the Moment

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January 24, 2020

How To Tell Her You Have a Small Penis

Sometimes in a relationship, you're not sure how to phrase a delicate subject or tricky topic. Sure, saying nothing at all is easy, but avoiding the subject doesn't do anyone any good. Awkward Conversations provides you with a template for what to say — and what not to say — and why, so you can have those difficult discussions without them turning into full-blown fights.

Penis anxiety is incredibly common, and many men seem to worry about whether they have a large enough penis. That being said, if you know that your penis is much smaller than average, you may wonder how to inform the people who will be interacting with it. 

Remember: You aren’t under any obligation to disclose your penis size. You can let potential partners find out for themselves. But in case you don’t want them to be surprised, you might feel like letting them know beforehand. How do you break that kind of news? And when exactly? Luckily for you, we’ve put together a handy guide to help you get through this painful conversation gracefully. 

1. Wait for the Right Moment 

Don’t blurt out that you’re not packing much over lunch with your date. This is an extremely personal conversation, and it shouldn’t even happen unless sex is on the table (which means it probably shouldn’t come up on a first date). Otherwise, you run the risk of your date telling you frostily that she was never planning on having sex with you anyway. 

Ideally, you can wait to have it until the actual sex — in the privacy of the bedroom, when you’re both taking clothes off and it’s crystal clear what’s about to happen.

2. Don’t Feel the Need to Apologize 

Bringing it up in a shamefaced manner will only make your potential partner feel more awkward. This is your body, it’s not a liability or something that you’re doing wrong! You might feel inadequate, but you have no reason to say sorry. 

Mention it as matter-of-factly as you would say your date of birth or eye color.  

Say: “Hey, so … before we do this, I want you to know that I’m smaller than you might be expecting. I thought I’d give you a heads up.” 

Don’t dwell on it or act weird, just let her see that you’re totally normal about it. Yes, mention it, and then move straight on to what really matters: the sex itself. 

If you’re truly insecure about it, feel free to add a quick disclaimer. 

Say: “Before we go any further, I’m letting you know that I’m smaller than average. I’m only bringing it up because I tend to get insecure about that sometimes. I hope you get it.”  

Frankly, she’s probably insecure about some part of her body, too, and insecurity shouldn’t get in the way of a great time. 

3. Resist the Urge to Joke About It 

Don’t say: “I have to buy XS condoms, just in case you were wondering how disappointed you’d be when we slept together.” 

Are you a standup comedian! No? Then don’t joke about it. Yes, You might think it makes the situation less awkward, but consider the situation you’re putting your partner in.

What should they do with that? Laugh or say something consoling? You’re just adding to the weirdness of the moment. Instead of making yourself the butt of the joke, just play it cool.

4. Don’t Assume That It’ll Matter 

Don’t say: “I want you to know that I have a small penis. I hope you don’t change your mind about having sex with me because of that.” 

No, no, no. First of all, this reeks of desperation.  

More importantly, this might actually come off as offensive. Maybe they wouldn’t have cared either way. After all, there are plenty of women out there who don’t care what size your penis is! In fact, penis size matters much more to other men than it does to women.

RELATED: What Women Really Think About Penis Size

You risk implying that she’s shallow; it’s best to not anticipate or guess at her potential reaction to your disclosure. Inform her and wait to see what she says. Chances are she says nothing at all.

5. Don’t Feel the Need to Overcompensate

Don’t say: “Look, I know I have a small penis, but I have a mouth like a vacuum. I’ll make up for it if you let me give you oral.” 

This also smacks of insecurity. If she expresses any concern about penetrative sex not being satisfying, you can bring up alternative ways to make her orgasm. Just keep in mind that most women don’t even orgasm from penetrative sex, so this is unlikely to matter.

RELATED: Here’s What You Need to Know About the Female Orgasm

Don’t brag or talking up your bedroom skills — you’ll only sound like a douche. Letting her find out for herself is always the best way. You can offer oral without making it clear that you’re overcompensating. 

6. If She Gets Upset, Just Leave

The chance that your partner would freak out is unlikely, but just in case it happens, it’s fine to end the sex, put your clothes back on and leave. 

Don’t waste time trying to change her mind, or getting into an argument with someone so immature. After all, that kind of person doesn’t deserve to have sex with you. Relax and remember that a small penis can’t keep you from having mutually satisfying sex with plenty of open-minded partners. 

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